189. Social Distancing Dogs

Our dogs ain’t right. We love them, they have managed to enrich our lives in new wonderful ways and
we would take *tiny* bullets for them. However… 

If there’s peace to be disrupted, they’ll be there. They start their walks with excited barking, which grow into curious barking and evolve into a zen-like frolicky barking. They bark at other dogs, pedestrians, bicycles, squirrels, things that look like squirrels, and their own barks. 

They posture and tense their leashes with murder in their eyes. We found out that if we unleash them, their bravado goes from 11 to 1. So at least we now know they’re only acting as annoying, aggressive assholes. “Just an act” we tell our neighbors, which doesn’t seem to help any. I know we are those people now. I’ve never been those people before. 

The only thing they do better than publicly shaming us is their snuggling. These are world class snugglers. Like thousands-of-years-of-developing-physical-bonds-as-a-survival-instinct world class. Everything from their shape to their body temperature to their lack of stink is created specifically so we don’t drop-kick them for all that barking. 

So no, we are not returning our Coronapups to the pound once this pandemic is over. We are keeping these dobergoblins until the end of their loud, shrill lives. 

And, sorry, if you see us in the park.

Extra panel:

They are quiet hikers, for some reason.


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