32. Why we don't get invited to some parties

We come with our own record scratch

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92. Never Google Your Doppleganger

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In my lifetime I have been told that I look exactly like some people that I would consider to be not perfect replicas of me. Maybe I have a better self esteem than I project, but I feel like I don’t look like “ The Critic ”; as was earnestly expressed by a girl on a (first and only) date. Other twinsies I’ve been professed to have: Steven Wright Tony Hale Stephen Miller (Aaaaargh) Dr. Katz I don’t know. Maybe I’m vain, but I always pictured me as more of a Luke-Perry-with-a-really-bad-hair-day type. It’s funny how I have a pretty sturdy love and acceptance of my own physique, and yet my self esteem about other things (like being a functional adult in this crazy world) is pretty dismal.
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266. Collateral Splashing

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We recently installed a bidet in in our toilet. It was one of those external thingies you install between the toilet lid and the base. It was a fun project for us, we learned a lot about fighting in confined spaces.  It took me a few weeks before I could use it without giggling. This thing has no chill, you either preserve your butt integrity or you get blasted a couple of inches into undiscovered country. After a couple of weeks, though, it did become part of my routine. I soon noticed the collateral splash and I haven't stopped mentioning it, to my own (and only my own) amusement. This comic is an homage to Larry David’s humor and lasting appeal.  Like many of you, I’ve been on a Curb your Enthusiasm joyride lately. For some reason, I wasn’t interested in the show until recently, even though Larry David rants are extremely and historically resonant with me. I think my favorite part of the show is Cheryl’s disappointed/harried face and LD’s inability to detect it while riffing on
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255. Urge to Purge

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My wife is a planner. She moves into the right lane as early as she can for a right turn, which could be 10 blocks or more away. She tests camping equipment weeks before camping. She has a paper planner... in the year of our lord 2023. She often checks menus before getting to the restaurant. She receives the first dose of the flu shot available in the United States every year. That's why I find these events hilarious. She knows she has a bladder and she knows that it needs to be emptied. And yet, in a few occurrences, she waits right to the seconds before a deadline to get it done. This happened last weekend as we were taking a train from Chicago to Kalamazoo and we were waiting for a whole hour before the estimated time in which we would be escorted single file into our train. Well she got the urge to purge seconds before we were escorted! And I, being the dependent (non-ticket having) husband, had to wait for her. The end result is never bad, but my anxiety gets a jolt. It's
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