51. Piled On

-
From the vantage point of this respite I'm having from depression, thanks to therapy, medication and love; I can describe a bit how it felt. Not only does it not help knowing that you have 'no reason to be depressed', that knowledge is part of the stereophonic,self-hating dialogue that keeps you depressed. Guilt and depression like to hang out together, but the truth is that depression doesn't care about success. So don't be too hard on the successful depressed, their suffering is likely as real as anybody's. 

Comments

  1. saraJanuary 10, 2019 at 1:03 PM

    I don't need a reason to understand your depression and I don't have an answer on how to fix it.
    I am here for you. I'll sit next to you silently and just keep you company. I'll write you and won't need an answer. I'll send you a quote or a photo every day.... just because I want to. Just know I see you. You don't need to pretend with me. I'll watch TV while you nap. I am here for you. All I ask is that you allow me to care for you, to love you and that you will not question why I am here for you.
    It is what it is.

    - Those are the answers to the question of "I'm a little depress" that matter the most. Just because my life is better than others doe snot diminished my pain.

    PS: Of course I learn that thanks to therapy, medication and love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BanalhemorrhageJanuary 10, 2019 at 1:28 PM

      The only thing that matters is getting help. There is help. Many kinds. Some will click better than others.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Follow for Updates!

Popular Posts this Week

150. Waiting for you

-
Image
Isn’t it weird how there’s always someone waiting at the bottom of the pit?  I know this is a snarky, cynical look at recovery but... I  don’t actually have a but, I’m just an a-hole sometimes. I don’t really care that people need culty things to help them get out of rock bottom, it’s that they become super annoying about it. Every person’s path is so completely different, what one person is lacking is not comparable to what most other fellow humans are lacking. And yet, you always get that guy that “Bro, do you even lift”’s you. Or that person that assures you, their church is different, their church is the true path. Or that guy with the five o’clock shadow that swears that focusing solely on work took him out of his despair.

No Chad, I don’t think going to the gym 6 times a week is going to solve this ennui that I feel right now. This transitory feeling that life is just an experiment conducted by an AI simulation and I am in the control group, yeah I don’t think I can just church…
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

154. Unmasking

-
Image
The whole mask situation has been a little confusing. The CDC told you not to wear them at the onset of this pandemic and others have urged you to do the opposite. So what gives? Dr. Price, with his sexy oval face (like yours truly), mentions what I believe is the main benefit of getting a mask: It will train you not to touch your face. That's the main way he believes we are getting this disease in the community. How many of us just now realized how often we touch our stupid faces? Having a mask will bring awareness to that behavior, and prevent skin to skin contact.

I work in healthcare so I understand why the CDC recommended not using them at the outset. We are in a PPE crisis. There are not enough masks to protect the people who really need them, the front line caregivers. Urging everyone to wear masks at the beginning of this pandemic would have further disrupted that flow. If we couldn't get our toilet paper hoarding under control, just imagine the far more precious mask…
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

164. Flame Buoyant

-
Image
I remember the ‘92 LA riots. If you don’t, there’s a brilliant documentary in Netflix about it (LA 92). At the time, the loss of property and all the literal flames made me question if the response was balanced to the cause (Rodney King’s beating.) 
Now, I don't even pose the question.
I can never know what it is like to be culled and focused on so adamantly. Sure, other minorities get some crap. But there’s something about the image of a black individual in society at large that scares white people. An angry white man doesn’t generate the same fear and reprisal that an angry black man does. An armed white man? Well that’s just Walmart in a Friday night! An armed black man is a death sentence. 
I’ve only experienced racism a few times, and it only happens when they hear my accent. Instead of cops, the institution that treated me like dirt was Homeland Security in airports. They mocked my accent, they questioned my motives, and they generally made me feel powerless.However, I never fe…
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

135. Anxiety All The Way Down

-
Image
Anxiety comes at me in waves. Sometimes I am perfectly satisfied with this hard wrought life I’ve made for myself, complete with a wife, home and community. The next second I am obsessing about having to meet people and how am I going to find and wear the proper pants for said meeting (and I only have like two pairs of pants). 

One time, I had so much anxiety about my choices in the board game Pandemic Legacy that I ruined that game forever. I still think about all those diseased millions we left uncured in Shanghai.
There’s objective reasons for my current bout with anxiety. I have a new job, a new commute, a new culture to shape and change. Anxiety is attacking me routinely. The self talk is obsessive and the feeling in my chest is pervasive. Some days are better than others, but last week it was off the charts. I daydream of an incompetent personified anxiety.
The best I've been feeling lately is when I volunteer after work. I feel like I’ve contributed, I feel like I’m valuable,…
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

138. Mother

-
Image
I don’t believe my mom set to destroy the patriarchy, I think the patriarchy was just an inconvenient hurdle on the way to her goals.

But destroy the patriarchy she did. Over and over again. One of the first women petroleum engineers, the first to work on oil rigs, one of the first to not change her last name, the first to many, many things. I imagine the amount of paperwork that had to be changed because of her mere existence and it always makes me flash a wicked smile.

The most amazing thing about her is how humble she is about all of this. Throngs of women have looked up to her for generations and all she’ll ever admit to is being a hard worker. There’s more to her, though. She’s always a steady snowball that simply knows how to move forward. I wish that certitude of hers had splashed down to me through her DNA strands. Alas, the only thing I’m certain of is that she has always and will always be my hero. My she-ro.

Most people that meet her, remember her. And not just because she …
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

120. Open Minded

-
Image
Hey folks! You can try this at home! Start broadcasting that you need a change in life, that you are willing to try something new. You will start receiving an advice avalanche from people you know (and some you don’t). The amount of life improvement nuggets that exist in the universe of humans seems
absolutely infinite. 

We are all culpable of this. I remember when I first tried meditation for anxiety. I couldn’t help myself telling people to try it! Meditation, or more specifically the perceiving of oneself without emotional engagement, worked for me during hard times. The thing is, it is not for everyone. Not everyone needs to meditate.

Terry Pratchett’s quote has always stayed with me: “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”. In it’s most benign interpretation we have people really trying to help, from their limited focus. In one of the more pernicious interpretations we have cult leaders and their t…
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

151. Plagued

-
Image
Generations before us had widespread worldly wars, warm and cold.  Today feels like the anxious times we were told we were fortunate not to have. And there is some beauty to it.

My friends and family are losing their jobs. My job has become incredibly stressful and demanding (I work in healthcare).  Our parents and grandparents are at risk. This is some scary stuff. So it feels bad to make light of this situation. I am going to, but only because I am an idiot who doesn’t know how to cope with things.

There is something about this current ambiance that I am responding well to. There’s something to knowing everyone is going through anxiety together that I find comfortable. I always feel guilty for feeling anxious with such a privileged life. I have met the love of my life, I’ve achieved some economic success, and I get to do the things I enjoy. Guilt about anxiety, begets anxiety, begets guilt, begets anxiety. Today, though, I can feel that we are all vibing similarly. And we are hooki…
CLICK FOR FULL COMIC

166. The Karening of the Dead

-
Image
We got horror movies so wrong. These past few months have taught us that we will have a significant amount of people whose ignorance will be worse than any threat. We will be riddled by people that believe that zombies are a Bill Gates ploy to get us to buy Windows products, people who think that George Soros is behind alien attacks and people who think that god and prayer will guard them against werewolves. These people are everywhere. They’re the real infestation of our times and I have no idea where they came from! 
Somebody needs to make a horror movie with what we know now. How the biggest monster will be ignorance, stubbornness and privilege. 
Extra panel:

Worst case scenario








CLICK FOR FULL COMIC