186. Urine Trouble
Bathrooms are the Water Temple of social anxiety. That’s a Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time (1998) reference and trust me it’s very, very funny. On point though, public bathrooms, locker rooms, and other loci of excreta have always been challenging locations when my social anxiety is at its highest. I don’t want to learn about others in these quarters, I feel no need to reach out to anything but my self.
One time, as a new employee, I went to the bathroom adjacent to where I was being onboarded. The CEO came bounding in, loudly announcing himself and patting other urinators on the back. He then proceeded to let go of his liquid waste hands-free while holding a power pose and whistling. It dawned on me that that’s probably why he was the CEO. He had conquered the bathroom. Surely the people who hired him could tell this is a person who can pee while loudly talking about the weather! “He’s going places”, they must've said to themselves!
Listen, I know it’s a shitty extra panel, but honestly... do you realize how hard it is to come up with these while the United States of America is going through a mid-life crisis? All I could come up with was a stereotypical Irish cop joke.
Fine, I also came up with this next one, which is equally crappy and derivative. I never said I could be original or witty, this is just therapeutic for me. You try being an accountant or something and somehow decide you can make people laugh through comics when you can neither write nor draw. No seriously, try it, it's been a blast!