Banal Hemorrhage

I have an unsurprising confession to make. I am a nuisance. Sometimes I get into a movie so much that nothing can break my interest. Other times, I am a talker. I talk to my wife during movies. You’re free to unsubscribe from my feed now that you know. Sometimes, when a movie is too tense, awkward or tedious, I cut the stress with a well placed fart, or even worse, an attempt at a witticism. I’m no Mystery Science Theater, either, so these comments are not gold. Sometimes I just want to know more. Right then and there, for some reason. My wife is not always at the same frequency I am, so sometimes, my dialogues or rhetorical questions are not welcomed. She finds subtle ways to hint that she needs to be all-in, sans interruptions. A gentle shush, a cold shoulder, served divorce papers; all little nudges to make me conform. Most of the time I pick up on these little trifles, because marriage is growth. Extra panel: Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have Roxanne get curious abou

Last fall, we had a problem with our cats. There was an absolute stench in my basement and we couldn’t pinpoint it. We then made a huge mistake and probed deeper. We bought a black light flashlight and discovered what true horror looks like. We can’t tell if it was cat urine, or blood or ectoplasm, but the light shone bright EVERYWHERE.   Sometimes when you have a problem, you seek out the root cause and control for it. Sometimes you use a shotgun to solve it. That’s what we opted for. We bought a carpet cleaner, changed the litter and scrubbed everything the cats owned. My flamethrower idea wasn’t disregarded as quickly as usual. Things seem better now, but we can’t tell what exactly worked. Or perhaps we have COVID and can’t tell. That’s the problem with shotgun solutions, you never know what bullet hit the problem in its stupid face. Extra panel: My theory on how the cats got pee up the walls.  

Many people in the right (at least, the United State's right) abhor college education. Many of them HAVE college degrees, but still huff and puff about colleges. They tell their constituents that colleges are a highway to communism; that the instant you enroll in any class, you're obligated to read Marx and call your parents capitalist pigs. I definitely missed that part during my college education, part of which was in the US. What they DO teach you in college is to apply reasoning skills. You have to compare and contrast in many classes and avoid logical fallacies. You learn about false dichotomies. Simple messages (both from the left and the right) tend to do this:  "You're either with us or not."  "You can't be a Republican and racially aware." "You can't be a Democrat and like cops." It's easy to get sucked in. I lost friends and contacts because of Trump. My argument went: "If you liked Trump after he cancelled DACA, you

Are awful families a thing of modern times? I know the answer is no before I asked. History is full of families who for instance, revered Mussolini, Hitler or Hugo Chavez! That one family that fostered rats during the Black Plague. The Trumps. I’m sure there were families who idolized Genghis Khan as his forces tore through everything around them. Humans have the free will to love the worst things for them and their neighbors, and they exercise that free will often. So, I present to you some nice gift ideas, some stocking stuffers and such for that family in your neighborhood. That way, you can feel like a good person while bringing a little misery to miserable people. Because, at the end of the day, it’s the season to show people what you think of them.* * On behalf of Banal Hemorrhage and its subsidiaries, don’t do any of this. We are not responsible for any of this. It’s just a bit of fun. Just ignore the bad people.  

Dear readers, this is not a joke. For at least a decade, I enjoyed the fruits of my immigration status. Every awkward, weird, strange, outlandish and cringeworthy thing I did was blamed by yours truly on the fact that I was from another country.  'In my home country we used salt instead of sugar,' I'd say after messing up a recipe. 'In my home country it's normal to be barefoot outside.' 'In my home country, it's customary to get blackout drunk on Mondays.' ' In my country we say grace AFTER eating the turkey. ' Do I feel bad about it? In my home country we don't feel bad about things. But, honestly, it was great. After a lifetime of being weird and an outcast in my own country, I got to flip the script a bit and make it exotic in a new one. It didn't last long. People caught on at around year 3. And then, in year 7 I became a citizen of the United States of America. I entered a period of diminishing results. And now, I'm back to

  Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a Trumpian? To start your support simply because you are a closeted xenophobe, but then being carried through a river of cruelty, white supremacy and ignorance? All of a sudden, you are following Marjorie Taylor Greene, you think Big Bird is a Marxist and you prepare a borax bath just in case you are forcefully vaccinated by the man. I mean, if their support wasn’t absolutely destructive to the immigrant community, you’d almost feel sorry for them. Sadly, if you take the xenophobia away, what IS the credo of a Trumpian? They don’t believe in small government, they want a government that focuses on women’s uteri, makes education nationalistic, and has a say on election results. True conservatives scoff at their degradation of the flag and their deification of petty men over country. Nope, their minds are networked through the simple concept of fear. I am yet to be convinced otherwise, but if you have a pro-Trump argument that is not natio

This comic started when I saw the reviews to a fancy tapas restaurant in Miami. They were what you would expect. "This item had the most pleasant flavor I've put inside my mouth since I was a child in Kentucky trying chicken fried chicken for the first time, but the portion size was so small! 1/5 stars." People sometimes conflate value with money and size, and it's clear that in the United States, that is absolutely true for dining out. Buffet culture is crazy up in here. It's like a competition! And of course, I as a traveler have tried to adopt the culture of the place I'm in. But honestly, I've never been to a buffet I didn't regret.  Portion sizes in the US will have to change. The downsides are too much: Obesity, supply chain constraints and a constant glorification of the big and cheap. How do we make this change? Do we make McDonalds 1/4 pounder (the gold standard in food prices) a 1/5 pounder? Do we make it more expensive? I don't trust hum